The baby came as a synthesis of 3 very clear, distinct, yet blended inner voices I had been tuning in to for several months prior: Jesus, Mary & Yahweh - all melodiously blended into a Wisdom greater than the sum of their individual expressions.
Every morning I would meditate, and listen for the Inner Voice with Wisdom enough to guide me.
Until one day, the Voices, and their imagery inside me started to shift.
For a while, it was a very difficult scene to stomach, and I often turned away in despair. How could my deep connection with God, through these voices (because when I connected directly with God, it was just a still, silent pool of golden light, so I asked for some voices to offer me words I could work with)... how could that connection be gone?
In the fading, crumbling imagery, where the Voices ceased to speak in their clear, melodious tones, I found a 3-foot, plastic lawn ornament Jesus with white robe and red sash, arms molded in an outstretched position, illuminated by a light bulb like Santa on the rooftop, or some creepy Halloween decor being sold out front of Home Depot a month before the holiday arrives. He was lifeless, yet the warmth of His presence was still felt through the flat post-modern symbol invoking his Spirit.
Yahweh was formless, but present, holding space with a hearty good humor, and distinct lack of concern for what was transpiring.
Mary held a baby. A mummified, zombie pet-like creature. It crumbled under its own weight, revealing some strange reptilian, living form beneath the cakes of crumbling flesh-mud and dried rot of mummification.
This went on for weeks... Every morning I would dive down into my belly to listen for the Voices. Every morning, I'd be met with another stage in this strange unfolding.
One day, it dawned on me, that what this life-form needed was my own presence and attention. That it was somehow the living spirit of Jesus resurrecting in Mary's arms, and that I could accelerate the alien incubation with my loving awareness of it all.
Alien is an understatement!
As soon as I brought my energy to the process, the undulating life-form awakened a translucent blue eye that crumbled more of the stone-caked face. Suddenly, the reptilian form was less creature than creative impulse. I started to understand what was happening was more cosmic than crustacean.
Over the following weeks, the form evolved until eventually, Mary was holding an actual human infant. This freaked me out even more. I knew I was birthing something, and that something was me, in a way... but now I have an infant to be responsible for??
As I continue to check in each morning, this infant comes to nurse, and some part of me lets down milk to feed it.
What. The. Fuck...?!!
Here I sat this morning, meditating on what part of me is feeding this baby of mine. What is it that lives in me that has the innate knowing of a mother, and the subtle body to nurse like one?
"Nourish me... Feed me...," he/she says.
And how do I do that? "Nourish & Feed Yourself!"
Okay...
Well. If there's one thing my daughter's mother is amazing at it, it's being a mother. Her own mother, and mother's mother (who just passed), and her sister, and now my daughter... they are all incredibly nurturing women. It frightens me to let in what I've learned being around them.
Yet, here I sit. Nursing my god-child. Wondering what support I can call in. Wondering what a new mother requires to feel nourished and fed enough to be the conduit of nourishment for another being's soul.
And the most challenging part of it all... is accepting that the imagined life I carry inside of me is as real and relevant as anything in the manifest realm all around me.
Sigh...
Now that I've said it out loud, I best give a name to this child.
For now, until I come to know him/her better, I'll name my infant Babyji (inspired by my friend Maggie's adoring nickname of her own baby, born last year). "Ji" is used to show respect in India. As in Guruji, or Papaji.
So, stay tuned. I imagine the story will unfold more rapidly now that I've made a conscious awareness more public.
In service to the Greatest of Mysteries,
Mama Craig
ps - Thanks for reading and commenting. I welcome your interest in exploring these ideas, and the journey that inspires them. Facebook is a good place to find me if you want to see more of the journey unfold in multimedia. (I rarely accept friend requests from people, especially those I don't know - but you can subscribe, and comment on my open profile.)
pps - You can also dig me at Purpose Mapping and Enlightened Child
