Integrating Inner Gold: Babyji Grows Up

My last blog post was a bit embarrassing to own, but I'm glad I did. It's helped me become more conscious of the Inner Gold (as Robert A. Johnson calls it) that I'm working with.

Getting up at 6:13am every morning and meditating to quiet my mind to the point where I can dialogue with the Voices in my Heart has done two things for me:

First, the dialogues make meditation more 'productive.' By asking my parts what they need from me, I'm actually getting clarity to move into my day with focus and grace.

Second, I feel I have a relationship with these inner parts - like friends, or children I'm responsible for - and so skipping a day is no longer an option.

Since my last post, several things have unfolded. Most importantly, I resolved the uncomfortable feeling I previously described as "this infant comes to nurse, and some part of me lets down milk to feed it. What. The. Fuck?"

After surfing YouTube one day, I saw a great video from the HeartMath Institute that explained, "Our heart's rhythm reflects our level of inner peace." 

It suddenly made sense! As I 'nursed' Babyji, I was opening my heart with the love of a mother. An experience that, being adopted, I never quite felt resolved around.

So, this 'nursing' not only became a daily heart-centering practice, it helped me close the loop on a wound so deep it has lived in my pre-verbal consciousness almost 36 years.

As I sat each morning with Babyji, I see discovered another baby! So, now I have a boy and a girl, who I named Babyjiji.

They aren't twins. Babyji is actually a toddler, perhaps 2-3 years old now.

He stopped nursing earlier this week, and when I ask him what he wants of me, he simply wants to play. This has been wonderfully inspiring for my Enlightened Child project, which I'm developing a 12-page mailed newsletter for. (Leave a comment if you're interested.) And reminds me of my first real connection with Corrina - because I didn't relate to her much as a baby.

Babyjiji, still a suckling infant. She's incredibly sweet.

There's also a puppy - which was weird as it bifurcated from the same hologram as this infant girl. But, they are definitely separate entities. I cringed at the thought of nursing a puppy. I've had a puppy. They have tiny little teeth, and they nip as an order of habit. Yikes.

We played with the puppy this morning, as I nursed Babyjiji, and I drifted off into dreams of what it must be like for a 2-3 year old boy to have a bubble of safety, everyone he loves... and a puppy to play with! That's about the most endearing thing I can imagine. So, I did.

And then came the radical shift.

Reading a lot of work by Robert A. Johnson these days, I've been delving into Owning Your Own Shadow, and, most recently, Inner Gold, which describes the nature and purpose of psychological projection.

What Johnson helped me realize is that we need to project our Gold (our 'God stuff') onto another before we can integrate it.

Gold is heavy, and the weight of it can crush our ego before it is strong enough to hold the load that is our divine inheritance in this life. So, we find an 'other' to project it upon, and worship the beauty, power, grace & love we see there.

Without going too deep into the dangers and dehumanizing functions of this type of projection - which most often occurs in romantic relationships (oh, you goddess!) - I'll close by sharing what happened this morning when I brought this new awareness into my meditation.

As I sat playing with Babyji and our wonderful, soft, rambunctious love-puppy, I turned my heart to invite the same question I invite every morning: "What would you ask of me, today?"

Babyji, at the height of his delight, simply vibed back to me, "Own the Gold you're projecting on me."

In an instant I felt more awake than I have in many, many mornings. And Babyji's image faded to about 10% - if you're a photoshop user - or a mere trace of what he was.

I felt the Gold of this inner child alive inside my left chest, a man's chest, no longer a nursing breast. And I looked down to see if my darling Babyjiji would disappear as well. Not yet! Perhaps she will grow up, too, but for now she's still content in my arms, and I'm grateful for her to be there.

As for the puppy, we'll see what kind of trouble he gets into.

Thanks for reading - I love your comments :-]

Craig

ps - Thanks for reading and commenting. I welcome your interest in exploring these ideas, and the journey that inspires them. Facebook is a good place to find me if you want to see more of the journey unfold in multimedia. (I rarely accept friend requests from people, especially those I don't know - but you can subscribe, and comment on my open profile.)

pps - You can also dig me at Purpose Mapping and Enlightened Child